Do you ever feel surprised others don’t feel motivated by the same things as you do? Something like 86 % of life is habit driven; but what drives us to create those habits in the first place? I am much better at recognizing (and being patient with) differing philosophies in my children after reading The Four Tendencies, a book authored by Gretchen Rubin. I found her insights invaluable for becoming more patient with my spouse, my children…and myself. Her premise is each person has a fundamental philosophy of what motivates them, and it may be different depending on whether those motivating factors are external or internal. In other words, a person finds it difficult or easy to feel motivated internally and/or difficult or easy to feel motivated externally. Here’s a breakdown of the four tendencies:
Upholder: Is motivated by inner and outer expectations
Obliger: Is motivated by outer expectations, and has difficulty meeting inner expectations
Rebel: Has difficulty and resists all expectations, both outer and inner
Questioner: Meets inner expectations easily, while asking questions about any external expectations
If you want to know which of the four you (or your family member) are, I recommend taking the Four Tendencies Quiz:
https://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/4232520/gretchenrubinfourtendenciesquiz
Quick tip from when I did it—check the result of your tendency at the bottom of the last screen, because the email you submit doesn’t actually generate an email to you with the report of your finding. My family took the quiz, and we have all four tendencies covered in our family of five. So interesting.
